She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
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CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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