Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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