i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
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Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
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They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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