the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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