She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
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You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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