question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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