So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
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Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
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does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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