he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize