you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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