Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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