Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
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i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
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