made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
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i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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