I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
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