no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize