still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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