I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
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Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
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Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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