she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
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I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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