That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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