paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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