so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
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Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
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Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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