i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a blender
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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