Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
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we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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