I'm gonna have a badass scar
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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