So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
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We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
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I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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