halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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