and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Sacagawea was the original milf.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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