In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize