a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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