she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
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