Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
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you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
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I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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