im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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