i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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