3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
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Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
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I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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