she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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