just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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