He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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