i would punch a child for taco bell
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
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I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
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Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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