I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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