You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
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Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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