I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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