Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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