she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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