So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
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my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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