I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
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You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
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I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
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