you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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