Jerry, you need to find god
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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