I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
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Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
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you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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