Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize