i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
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