Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize