At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
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I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
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well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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