Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
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I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
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MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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